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Wallflower at the orgy

July 3, 2010 25 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized

Arrived in Barons Court. Not Maida Vale, as he’d told me.

 “It’s the first white house.” Ben said.

 Outside security cameras tracked us. The pale thudding of generic techno music, the modern soundtrack to all recreational events, pounded through the fence.
We’d forgotten drink. Rules were you had to bring three bottles of wine or 12 bottles of beer.
The offies were closed.

 “I’ve got a tiny bottle of airline wine in my van.” I suggested to Ben. 

“That’ll have to do” he said “Look, you do it, you ask if we can come in. You are confident, good at talking your way into situations”

“No, Ben” I said firmly “You man up. Yes I can do it better than you but I’m not going to”.

At the door we were inspected by a portly middle aged man with plucked eyebrows and a thinning pate. Alex. He opened the door just a little bit, we squeezed through.
The inside was suffused with blue, from ultraviolet bulbs. We faced a spiral staircase. On the left was the kitchen, on the right, where you would normally expect a living room, was a large room containing 7 or 8 beds. Dimly I could make out brown bottoms, dark against the glowing sheets, bouncing up and down.
We entered the kitchen. Alex gave us a clipboard and asked us to write down our names, emails and phone numbers.

 “What shall I call myself?” I asked Ben.

 “Well I’m known as Simon Jones. You could be Mrs Jones.”

 I wrote that down on the dotted line. I let Ben put his mobile number on there. Behind me, men were walking around bare chested with their bottom halves covered with towels.
Ben handed his tan leather jacket into the cloak room. He was wearing a thin white T-shirt. On the journey here, he asked me if I’d noticed that he’d been working out.

 “How much is it?” he asked the barman.

 “Are you alone or in a couple?”the barman replied “if you are alone it’s £125 but free if you are in a couple. However you know the rules don’t you? You can’t play until the lady plays. She has to initiate.”

The penny dropped, this was why I’d been invited. Ben, the bastard, just wanted to get in free.
While this conversation was going on, I looked around the kitchen. A few white cardboard plates were on the counter: a couple of mince pies, a desultory trail of Hula Hoops, a stack of mini spring rolls. Quite plebeian snacks for an orgy, I’m sure I could cater it better: figs, grapes, chocolate dipped strawberries, maybe some eclairs…
But I guess some people weren’t there for the food.
I sat on a stool next to the fridge where, attached by magnets, were notices for forthcoming events ‘MILF’ night and ‘BLO’ night (Black ladies only).

 Ben crackled into my ear “you might be interested in the MILF night?” 

An older lady came up to me and shook my hand. This made me feel slightly more relaxed. The truth was, I was terrified. I was tensed up. Going into a house with maybe 60 strange men in varying states of undress brings up all your fight or flight instincts. This is what women are afraid of, this is what women are taught to be afraid of, since birth. It goes against every instinct of self-preservation. You are amongst the big beasts, creatures who are directed by their sexual impulses, large hairy mammals with big pudgy fists. Why would any woman voluntarily put herself in that position?
Alex came up to us and suggested, through clenched and bleached teeth, that we wander around, see upstairs.
I’d only been there ten minutes. I felt pressurised. I could feel Ben’s impatience next to me.
I gulped. Lets do this. We walked up the spiral staircase. There was a TV on the wall, I wondered who had been evicted from Big Brother.
Below, crowded around a sofa, were maybe 10 to 15 male hairy backs of various hues and their paler bottoms, thronged. On an adjacent sofa, a man sprawled, looking. His proprietorial gaze seemed to be that of a husband. Underneath the men, all I could see of his wife was a calf, ankle and foot clad in black stocking, her leg bent up in the air.
I stood stiffly at the other end of the room.
I wanted to move about, to look, to investigate but I was too aware of my part in this as desirable meat. I was bait. You can’t be a reporter when you are bait.
I moved down the hall, I was looking for a toilet. I found a corner and pressed my back into it, against the wall. I had a view into two bedrooms. In one, there was a man, no, a woman, I could see the pendulous tear-drop of her breasts as her head rose up in the oscillation of her work on a prone body. Later, when she stopped, coming towards me, I could see she had few teeth. Darkly I wondered why.
In the other room, the bulk of the men were collected. Sometimes I caught a flickering glimpse of white female legs. A large black man came out, he introduced himself to me.

 “It’s that lady’s 30th birthday. this is a party for her. She wanted 30 men!” 

“I bet she’s sore” I tried to quip. Thirty candles I thought. 

The black man had pale blue eyes. I clutched Ben’s hand. Where I was standing it was very narrow, but no man touched me as they went past. Nole me tangere. They all had ultraviolet dandruff speckled on their bare shoulders, twinkling like stardust. A blonde woman in her twenties announced to me laughingly

 “You are going to get eaten alive!”

The black man talked to me, he was well spoken. “Your first time?”

“Yes” I squeaked. 

“I come about six times a year. This has alot of people, this party. It probably would have been better if you’d come to a smaller one.”

“So many men….” I say “I know there are women but they all seem to be invisible, buried under a mound of men”

“You are always going to get lots of men where there’s a possibility of women…” he says “of sex”.

“N.S.A” I say, thinking of the singles night I held at The Underground Restaurant around Valentines Day. How only three men came compared to 18 women. Strings attached.

“Yeah” he agreed “No strings attached. There are different sorts of parties…I went to one called ‘fat munters’, it was held in a car park. Loads of men there. I’ve been to one called ‘fat and ugly’ …still loads of men”.

A small man, not much bigger than me, with closely cropped hair, joined in:

“I thought it was bi night tonight? The girls having fun with each other?”

Me: “Bi night is only women?”

The small guy snorted:“Oh yeah, we don’t want bi men!” 

The black guy agreed “Oh no, none of that!”

Lesbianism and bisexuality was not, in this world, a sexual choice but a spectacle for the titillation of men.

The black guy seemed kind. “Don’t worry, no one will force you into anything you don’t want to do here. People will protect you”

I trusted him more than I did my companion.

Ben: “Lets go into the bedroom” 

I stood stock still, a mess of nerves. I’d worn pearls, a black dress, black heels. I was wearing the most clothes in the whole party.

“Lets go downstairs then” 

We went to the bedroom with all the beds.

“These are pros” explained Ben. “As you can see, they are rather better looking than the other women.”

A young mixed race girl, very pretty, with slim hips trimmed by lacy knickers, strolled gracefully past.

“Can we go?” I asked Ben.

His face fell. He put on his best Oxbridge accent, trying to gain control “We’ve only been here ten minutes. Lets go upstairs”

“You said we can go anytime” I insisted

I could see he was worried about Alex. About his reputation in the sex party world.
I walked to the bar, one guy muttered something to me.

Ben smiled “That guy likes your bum”.

The black guy was standing at the bar.

“You going?” He asked me.

“Yes. I’m sorry. It’s not for me”

He looked at Ben dismissively.

“When you get home you should give this guy a slap. I’m proud of you.” he said to me.

“I’m not judging anyone” I said. “It’s not for me”

“I brought a friend along, she had the same reaction. She is profoundly deaf and finds it hard to meet anyone. But she couldn’t handle it. “ He shrugged.

“I hope you gentleman have a good evening” I say with exaggerated politesse, departing.

Ben and I row all the way home. He seems anxious. But then it emerges that he is angry, that I should have known what it was like, that he explained it all clearly. I counter that I couldn’t account for my own reactions, it was physical, visceral.

He admits: “Well that was probably the sleaziest place I could have taken you to even in that genre of party: pure conveyor belt sex.”

I remain interested by the male gaze, how men think, how they compartmentalise women, whether they feel, if they are just like us. I don’t think most women know.

A link: The truth about the porn industry in the Guardian

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    July 3, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    oh dear ….
    where is love ?
    not at that party,
    or others like it.
    how can mutual respect survive in
    such an environment?
    my guess is it does not.
    sex is good,
    but sex with love is
    the greatest thing.
    perhaps
    the best feeling in this life.
    no wonder so many people try anything to even pretend at such satori.

    with a kind and somewhat sad hart (for you deserve all the happiness that life can bring) Corbin

    Reply
  2. fingersandtoes

    July 3, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    What an experience!

    Closest I've ever been to an orgy was the Christ's College Ball. It was the social event of the year, the reason a girl from my school would try to get a boyfriend from Christ's.

    The boys were handed 10 drinks tickets each at the entrance, which they were supposed to share with their dates, but not all of them did (the drinking age in NZ was 20 in those days, but so poorly enforced that it was acceptable for a school to serve teenagers alcohol).

    There were kids on one side of the room having sex, while the teachers stood in a row on the other side of the room, near the entrance. I think they were afraid to go any further in.

    I went home disappointed; I suspect my date did too.

    Reply
  3. fingersandtoes

    July 3, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    Reply
  4. chumbles

    July 3, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    Blimey. I really thought twice about leaving a comment tonight. Why, because I am so angry I can hardly type.

    I'm a straight bloke and, back in the day, I had the reputation such that it was said "He would stuff it if in his mouth it didn't move and stuff it if it did". Actually, it was both at times, but that's in the long distant past. Even in those desperate days (and sex for a bloke is as much searching for love as it is for a woman), I would have slapped that guy 'Ben' myself.
    There's something about blokes that assume women are happy to be sexual objects that makes me so angry I can't speak. Some women do in restricted circumstances, it's a choice (one I am uncomfortable with, but it's their choice). Some despicable guys trade on that, but it's bullying and that's the only thing that can truly and spectacularly cause me to lose my temper.

    Big hugs. You're a wonderful woman and you don't need to put up with that. You really don't. Spit.

    Thank you for sharing that, but please don't put yourself in harm's way again. You've got a lot more to write and cook yet and although I doubt I shall taste the latter, I want to read (and look at the photos) about your food again. And finding blokes can't be that difficult, surely?

    Reply
  5. MsMarmitelover

    July 3, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Hi Chumbles,
    thanks for your comment.
    This guy Ben has been trying to persuade me to go to a party like this for a couple of years. I always said no. I've been to Torture Garden a few times and it was interesting, but a very aesthetic experience. The girls were beautifully dressed, although there was a sleazy element.
    I'm not into that stuff myself, but I've always been interested in people's motivations, what makes them tick.
    Finally last night Ben called again. I'm bored at the moment. I'm spending alot of time in by myself, writing this book. So I thought, what the hell, nothing ventured, nothing gained, it's an experience.
    I went with the idea of having a reporters detachment. But actually I was scared.
    Ben has definitely got issues with women. This was part of our argument. I also think the pornification of society is damaging men's ability to have proper relationships with women. Increasingly we are objectified. Perhaps it's a reaction to our so called equality.
    I feel like something that started as a sort of laugh, ended up being a bit icky. But I wanted to write it down before I forgot the details.
    There is some weird shit going on out there. Behind closed doors.

    Reply
  6. MsMarmitelover

    July 3, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    More: I feel as a writer, it's important just to record it, not pretend it's not happening.
    I wonder about the women. How they can do that to themselves? What masochistic fantasy they have?
    Or am I being ridiculously 'christian'?
    It's only bodies, it's only flesh.

    A guy with an arabic name left a comment and by mistake I rejected it (classic mishit on my iphone). I'm not censoring you.

    Reply
  7. chumbles

    July 3, 2010 at 7:21 pm

    Well, I was going to reply with some experiences from my past where women had asked me to do things to them which I really, really couldn't – I was engaged to one of them – an American who had two degrees and a doctorate, who wanted me to use chains and leather – and that killed the relationship. Think about it. If I could've done that, lived with myself afterwards, what would that say about me as a person?

    It's the Heisenberg principle – you cannot be there and observe. You observe and participate or you are not there. Frankly, you should be scared by guys like that. Anyone who wants to jump you into a situation like that is not your friend.

    There is no such thing as the 'fly on the wall' – you are either in the situation – vicariously or physically – or not. It's taken me nearly sixty years to learn that. So please leave the "I am a camera" bit to someone less vuulnerable and valuable.

    Reply
  8. chumbles

    July 3, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Damn, that's the problem with a quasi-conversation like this; I'm always out of step! Which is why I don't twitter *smile*

    The difference is, it's your body, your flesh – stuff the Christian bit – whatever you do in it, you have to live with the consequences thereafter. As a writer, yes, record it, but being honest doesn't mean that you should experience it – think about Auschwitz or some similar horror – you actually observe less by being in it.

    As for women who have these masochistic fantasies – I really, really have no idea why. They upset me. But I'm glad you are not one of them. I've counted back and those with that persuasion in my life have been about 1/15. Doesn't seem a high proportion, but that's a declared proportion. The American woman put me off women for nigh on 10 years.

    Reply
  9. Ben Emlyn-Jones

    July 3, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    Sounds like a scene from "Eyes Wide Shut"! Still, it was an experience for you; and you got out OK that's the main thing. I've never been to a do like that (As I hope you've gathered I'm a different Ben). I think it wouldn't bother me, but then I'm a bloke. We're programmed differently from girls. Even though there are rare cases when men are sexually abused by women (That HAS happened to me, but that's another story.) I'm not sure I'd be able to… participate… with lots of other people around. I've only ever had sex on my own with one person. Blimey I have led a sheltered life! At least in the sexual sense if not in others.

    Reply
  10. fingersandtoes

    July 4, 2010 at 10:09 am

    I read that Guardian article yesterday. I know the Guardian's been waging its war against porn for a while… not sure I agree with it completely though. It's like they are trying to say porn is inherently violent and anti-women, when it doesn't have to be. But I'm not sure why men seem to be so drawn towards violent pornography.

    The first porn image I ever saw was of a man having sex with a dog. My brother had saved it on our family computer. I was trying to figure out why we suddenly had no hard drive space left and stumbled across his archive, which he'd collected in internet chat sessions with dodgy men. I think he was about 12 or 13. And this was fifteen years ago. These days we have youporn.com.

    The Guardian article mentions a study of men who have been convicted of child rape. I'd love to see a study of "normal" men, and how porn affects them.

    My best male friend was at a stag party that got extremely pornographic once (the bride made the groom have an STD test before she'd go ahead with the wedding – needless to say the marriage didn't last). Anyway, my friend got up and walked out of the room. But all the other guys stayed. Why was there only one guy in the room prepared to admit that what he was seeing was wrong?

    Then later on I went to a baby shower where someone had hired a male stripper (yeah I know, WTF?). Far from being exploitative of him, the routine involved the sexual humiliation of the female guests, several of whom seemed perfectly willing to take part. A friend and I were not, so we left.

    Anyway, you did right by leaving. It's a strange, scary world, isn't it?

    Reply
  11. MsMarmitelover

    July 4, 2010 at 10:21 am

    Fingers and toes: I have mixed feelings about porn. But my own anecdotal evidence is that it is desensitising men.
    I've sometimes thought men would rather watch porn and masturbate than make love with a real woman with messy feelings, physical imperfections, unpredictable reactions, her own needs.
    I know my teen was watching 3 girls and a cup on her school mates phones from the age of 11.
    That's got to be wrong.

    Reply
  12. Becca Rothwell

    July 4, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Just a brief comment; about porn, and the general sexual objectification of women in society having a desensitising effect. I can absolutely see how that would be true.

    I attended a student run feminist conference last weekend at my old University. There were lots of really interesting talks and discussions, but at the front of the lecture hall it was held in they'd put up some placards that members of the organising group had made in response to an attempt to start a University beauty pageant. They were all against the objectification of women, but one consisted of lots of cut out magazine images of topless "Page 3" girls, with the header "Is this empowering?". One of my friends eventually questioned whether it was right to be objecting to these sorts of images whilst at the same time using and displaying them and requested it was taken down, but before that I'd already spent two days with it there in the background.

    I'm a bisexual woman, but two days of looking at these images of semi-naked women, directly and even in-directly just while I was watching the speakers talk, and I realised I'd already become desensitised to it. I commented this to my friend, that I was so used to just seeing breasts as a normal blasé image I wouldn't find it that strange if we were now all just sat around topless ourselves.

    So I can completely see how the current saturation of women as sexualised objects would desensitise men, and women, and push them into greater extremes of sexual activity and imagery. I think if you get used to seeing women half naked or in sexual positions and poses on a daily basis, when you're looking for something more arousing, intimate or taboo you have to start looking into more hardcore areas. So people attend parties such as those or watch more extreme pornography, because what used to be sexual is now just boring to them.

    Reply
  13. MsMarmitelover

    July 4, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Yes Becca, maybe some of those men don't get sex at home but I feel that many of them, yer average domestic missionary stuff is no longer getting them going.
    Bring back mystery!

    Reply
  14. Becca Rothwell

    July 4, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    It's a difficult issue (as most are), I've never been against pornography, having watched some myself I'd be a bit of a hypocrite to be so, and I'm not sure a banning anything like this is ever the best option, as it often just increases and gets more extreme/dangerous for the people working in it if forced underground.

    As I said definitely agree with the desensitising aspect though. People should be free to do whatever they like sexually as consenting adults, and I'm sure there will always be those who seek out parties like the one you were invited to, but I wonder if they would be quite so well attended if we were bombarded with less sexual imagery on such a daily basis.

    Saying that I find a little mystery much more titillating than the explicit anyway, just as the unknown/unseen terror is always much scarier. Then on the fewer occasions when you do get to see it all it's much more exciting. Bring back mystery indeed!

    Reply
  15. Ben Emlyn-Jones

    July 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Sorry, I think I entered that post twice.

    Reply
  16. Ben Emlyn-Jones

    July 5, 2010 at 6:18 pm

    ML and Becca. "Pornification" is a good word and one that describes our society very well. However as far as I can see, what we normally think of as "porn", just basic sexual descriptions and imagery, is fairly harmless in the hands of a man who has been allowed to psychologically mature. In my view what is far more pernicious and damaging is what is known as "men's lifestyle" magazines; ones which have titles like "Front", "Loaded" and "Nuts" etc. While porn merely panders to our biological urges, "Lad Mags" are actually conditioning men to think, feel and behave in a certain way. They, much more than porn, encourage us men to see women as virtual subhumans to be treated as objects, or far worse than objects, ENEMIES, to be conquered and deceived with trickery. They portray respect and a desire to relate honestly to women as a fatal weakness. However "cads" are put on a pedastel as heroes and role-models. These magazines also contain massive amounts of sexual images of women who only have extremely conventional good-looks, therefore branding women with "imperfections" as unattractive by omission. The magazines actually promote a shallow and matertialistic lifestyle in general. The basic message is: "If you want to be a REAL man then be as ruthless, aquisitive, materialistic and incincere as possible; treat everybody else as rivals and only fancy the girls that WE tell you to fancy!" It's extremely destructive to the male psyche and culture. (I think that this is deliberate, but that's a long story.) Men are as much victims of this mental attack as women are. The aim of this propaganda is not to regress society back to the former kind that was based on male privilege, but to create an entirely new type of society in which BOTH sexes are equally enslaved.

    Reply
  17. msmarmite lover

    July 10, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Capitalism innit? Designed to make you discontent with your lot. Buy more, get the girls you see on TV and magazines (who of course don't actually look like that)…

    Reply
  18. Rog T

    July 11, 2010 at 1:51 am

    I suppose one good thing to come out of it was a really good blog. I don't really think orgies are my cup of tea, but I got to wondering whether there is such thing any where as a setup like this where women are comfortable. What you described seemed very male-centric.

    I sort of thought about why people would attend such a do with a partner and I keep coming back to dissatisfaction or boredom with their relationship.

    Given your cooking success and the success of your blog, it doesn't surprise me that such a party isn't really for you. I think you need someone who appreciates what you have to offer not as a walk on part in their sexual fantasy, which is what Ben seems to want

    Reply
  19. msmarmite lover

    July 11, 2010 at 3:17 am

    HI Rog,
    Ben and I had a fling a couple of years ago but are no longer involved. In fact I thought we were friends…
    I didn't even have a walk on part: he literally wanted me there to get in free, that's all.
    Yes it is male-centric. I don't even know if boredom was the reason the women were there, I think it went further than that, surely there is an element of masochism?

    Reply
  20. chumbles

    July 16, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    I think this blog post is one I'm going to keep re-reading – such a powerful piece of writing. So strong; you've managed to do something which an author both you and I love (O'Brian) could do, which is to comment as much as possible, without excessive coloration.

    On a lighter note, for an interesting biography, Dean King (terrible name, great biog) has written something worth reading – out of print, but you can pick up a second-hand copy for about £3 from Amazon. Patrick O’Brian: a life revealed, (New York: H. Holt, 2000; London: Hodder & Stoughton, 2000). Fascinating.

    Reply
  21. theundergroundrestaurant

    July 17, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    Thanks again Mr Chumbles. The piece practically wrote itself!

    Reply
  22. loveable_homebody

    August 3, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    I loved this piece! You described your discomfort beautifully. What a horrible ambiance this place had… And far too many rules. Great observation that the activities was not "choice" but "spectacle."

    Reply
  23. Dave S

    August 3, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    Wonderful writing, but I fear that I must be missing the point. Why can someone be scared of going wife swapping , or whatever the term is, when she can look back to her youth spent with the openly nazi Screwdriver whilst attemting to form a relationship with the drummer of the Thatcher loving group, London?

    Reply
  24. theundergroundrestaurant

    August 4, 2010 at 7:45 am

    Wow Dave S. You are obviously a fan!
    Love the complete exaggeration too!

    Reply
  25. Anonymous

    August 29, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Fantastic website, I had not noticed travelswithmyteenager.blogspot.com earlier in my searches!
    Carry on the excellent work!

    Reply

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MsMarmiteLover aka Kerstin Rodgers.

Chef, photographer, author, journalist, blogger. Pioneer of the supperclub movement.

This is my food and travel blog, with recipes, reviews and travel stories. I also stray into politics, feminism, gardening.

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Kerstin Rodgers/MsMarmiteLover
My bubble brought some fresh clams over today & I My bubble brought some fresh clams over today & I made spaghetti vongole. Rinse the clams under running cold water, any that are broken or do not close, discard. Chop up shallots or onion, a whole bulb of garlic. Then soften the onion then the garlic in a deep frying pan. Boil the water for the linguine & add a handful of sea salt. Then add a glass of white wine to the onion/garlic, the clams, lots of freshly ground pepper & flat leaf parsley. A couple of minutes off cooking time, drain the linguine & put in the pan with the clams etc. Serve with more parsley, a drizzle of olive oil. #lockdownlife #sundaylunch #spagvong #pasta #spaghettivongole #supperclub #msmarmitelover #londonlockdown #quickdinners
I had one leek, one potato, but that’s enough to I had one leek, one potato, but that’s enough to make a leek & potato soup. I added garlic, rosé & Parmesan. I made a storecupboard salad from a cucumber & a tin of sweet corn. (Always have sweet corn in your pantry- it makes a tomato/sweet corn salad, or a tuna sweet corn salad or Thai style corn fritters) which I dressed with lemon juice & avocado oil. I also made garlic bread: a tiger loaf sliced almost to the bottom- room temp butter mixed with salt & minced garlic- wrap in foil and bake in the oven for 15 minutes. A simple leftovers lunch.  #leftovers #lockdownlunch #london #pantryessentials #soup #sweetcorn #garlicbread #supperclub #covidcooking #bubblelunch
Couscous and bulghur wheat are so brilliant when i Couscous and bulghur wheat are so brilliant when it comes to quick lunches. Especially if you bung them in the rice steamer. They take literally minutes to cook and are fluffy and perfectly done. I mixed in a tin of tuna and some preserved lemon, a few spring onions and a little tahini dressing. Served with a carrot and mandarin salad. I’m trying to use up the bottom drawer of my fridge and dried goods in my pantry before I do more shopping. Preserved lemons are one of my pantry essentials.  #pescetarian #couscous #ricesteamer #lockdownlarder #supperclub #lunchformybubble #londonlockdown
Baked cauliflower ‘wings’ for lunch. Easy. Bre Baked cauliflower ‘wings’ for lunch. Easy. Break into florets. Dip into batter of flour and fizzy water with sweet smoked paprika and salt. Lay on oven tray ( covered with parchment or silpat) and bake for 30 mins in hot oven. Then brush with butter and bake for another 5 mins or so. I served with a dipping sauce of yoghurt and lime marinade from @granluchito and more salt. #vegan #vegetarian #cauliflower #supperclubchef #recipe #5aday #lockdownlunch #baked #cauliflowerwings
Today I made tofish and chips for my bubble. My da Today I made tofish and chips for my bubble. My daughter and her boyfriend are working here everyday while their new flat upstairs is having the builders in. I like it because I have someone to cook for and I get a bit of company. Although in reality it’s 3 people sitting silently at their laptops all day. Today I did hear the high court session where a woman has sued Labour to find out the names of people who leaked a report. Anyway tofish is marinated firm tofu with one side covered with nori kelp and deep fried in batter. It really does taste fishy, and the nori looks like fish skin. Will do again. #supperclubchef #londonlunch #vegan #tofishandchips #tofurecipes #deepfried #handcutchips #homecooked #recipeoftheday
Another #lockdownlife activity, learning to darn. Another #lockdownlife activity, learning to darn. This red wool cardigan was shredded by moths. I’m trying both visible and invisible mending. The sleeve I darned in the traditional way. The holes I edged with embroidery cotton, making a feature of ‘moth lace’. All v Prince Charles don’t you think? He’s into patching and saving old clothes.  #visiblemending #darning #moths #longlonelynights #covid #lockdown #recycling #upcycling #ecofashion #redcardigan
Did that internet recipe doing the rounds- baked f Did that internet recipe doing the rounds- baked feta with tomatoes. I added red peppers, olive oil, garlic. Bake for 20 minutes then mix together - the feta forks a creamy sauce. Stir in freshly cooked pasta. Basta! #easyovenrecipes #bakedfetaandtomatoes #bakedfetapasta #supperclub #londonlockdown #coronacooking #vegetarian #justaddpasta #bakedfetacheese
Making thin crepes with lemon and sugar and banana Making thin crepes with lemon and sugar and banana and maple syrup. Using a cast iron crêpière I bought in a french supermarket years ago. For lunch we had savoury crepes with cheese and garlic. Apparently savoury crepes are ‘ middle class’! Who knew? #pancakes #pancakeday #shrovetuesday #crepes #bananapancakes🍌 #supperclub #londonlockdown #eatingwithmybubble
I’m cooking a lot of Asian food right now. It’ I’m cooking a lot of Asian food right now. It’s quick, hearty, tasty and healthy at the same time. Here I cubed leftover firm tofu, the whites of spring onions, mushroom stems, red pepper fried in groundnut oil, a little garlic, run out of ginger, some chilli bean sauce leftover from a jar, some soy sauce, a little teriyaki sauce from @misotasty . Then I boiled black soba noodles for 5 minutes, rinsed them in cold water, slung them back in the stir fry pan al dente. Another 5 minutes on the stovetop, I served them with the green parts of the spring onion, and a squirt of Yuzu paste from @misotasty. Served as a quick office lunch to my ‘son-in-law’ @jamescalmus who is here working while builders make an unholy noise in the flat above. My daughter and he will be moving in above when the work is done at the end of March. It’s scary buying a place for the first time- and dealing with builders- and blowing the last of your money. I remember when I bought my second flat, I was so broke I couldn’t afford a bed, and slept on the carpet for 3 months. #moving #firsthome #london #supperclub #mybubble #asianfusion #sobanoodles #tofurecipes #homecooked #lockdownlife
Heart shaped pasta parcels stuffed with cheese fro Heart shaped pasta parcels stuffed with cheese from @latuapasta one of the meal kits I’ve been trying recently. It comes with a jar of tomato sauce. The perfect dish for a nervous cook trying to impress a love. Myself I’m a corona loner as per usual. It’s ok, I’m used to it. Post- menopause I don’t have the longing I used to experience which made me needy and desperate with regards to ‘having a relationship’. Yes it does get lonely but actually I also feel a kind of relief. Happy Valentine’s Day to those who have romantic love and an even happier v day to those who don’t...
#valentines #valentinesday #vday #mealkits #foodoflove #freshpasta #valentinesdinnerathome #london #supperclub
Another Facebook marketplace find- this gorgeous g Another Facebook marketplace find- this gorgeous green velvet armchair which is also very comfortable-£50. The fire is lit 🔥 my broken ankle is propped up and I’ve a lovely cup of tea. #facebookmarketplace #recycling #upcycle #interiors #edwardianflat #londoninteriors #cosyhome #supperclub #greenvelvet #velvetarmchair #interiorsonthecheap
Pomelo candied peel is so fragrant. Instructions: Pomelo candied peel is so fragrant. Instructions: pare off the zest in longish strips, making sure there is no white pith. Then cover the peel with cold water, bring to the boil, then drain. Repeat this step twice more. This gets rid of the bitterness.  Then add 200g caster sugar and 400ml water to the peel. Simmer until the peel has absorbed all of the syrup. Then pour granulated sugar into a bowl; prepare a rack with parchment paper underneath to catch drips. Carefully extract each strand of peel and dip it into the sugar, then lay on the rack to dry out. Leave the peel 24 hours. Keep any sugar left over from the pan, and bowl, which will be lemon/pomelo scented, to use in baking. #supperclub #citrus #pomelo #candiedpeel #recipe #baking #lockdownlife #covidcooking #slowcooking #londonlife
My lady cave, my she shed, my recycled summerhouse My lady cave, my she shed, my recycled summerhouse. I’m going in for #shedoftheyear !
Everything made from stuff found in skips. #london #shed #shedlife #lockdown2021 #woodburner #bedinshed #throughtheroundwindow #supperclub #recycled #dumpsterdiver #ecobuilding
Black pepper firm tofu from @misotasty who are now Black pepper firm tofu from @misotasty who are now doing craft tofu. You fry the tofu cubes in cornflour then make a rich sauce with red pepper and black pepper, garnish with spring onions. Yet another fab thing to do with tofu! #tofurevangelist #tofurecipes #supperclub #blackpeppertofu #chinesenewyear #yearoftheox #chinesefood #covidcooking #lockdownlarder #vegetarian
Hot and sour soup with soft tofu from @misotasty j Hot and sour soup with soft tofu from @misotasty just the thing for a snowy day. Ate this on Sunday with my bubble. Persuading people that tofu is good to eat one meal at a time!  #tofu #tofurecipes #hotandsoursoup #soup #winterfood #supperclub #londonchef #homemade #recipes #vegan #vegetarian link to recipe: http://secret-garden-club.blogspot.com/2013/02/herbs-jackie-magazine-and-hot-and-sour.html?m=1
Japanese sweet potatoes from Miyazaki. They are th Japanese sweet potatoes from Miyazaki. They are the best I’ve ever had- small, dense, fluffy silky and sweet. I baked them in the oven and served with smoked trout and creme fraiche from @natoora “ Sweet potato is highly nutritious. It is high in fiber and will activate your intestinal system, and a white sticky substance “jalapin” that can be found when sliced, will help with digestion and help regulate your intestinal environment. Since its antioxidative vitamin C and antioxidative carotenoid are not lost by heating the sweet potato, experts say it is good for health and beauty. “ #sundaylunch #supperclub #sweetpotatoes #smokedtrout #pescetarian #japaneseingredients #oyatsuimo #miyazaki #yaki-Imo
Pomelo, cucumber and gadogado peanut dressing. So Pomelo, cucumber and gadogado peanut dressing. So refreshing! Pomelo is, along with mandarins and Citron, one of the original citrus fruit from which many others were bred. It’s rather like a grapefruit ( which bred with bitter orange, is a descendant) but sweeter, firmer, drier and more meaty in texture. It’s quite a pfaff to prepare as you have to take all the membrane and pith off- that’s the bitter bit. The pith can be turned into a poor mans cutlet, a Cuban steak, when times are tough. The peel can be candied. this citrus lasts a long time in the fruit bowl. #citrus #citrusrecipes #pomelo #wintersalads #gadogado #peanutdressing #supperclub #lockdownrecipes  #saturdaylunch #februaryfood #vegetarian #vegetarianrecipes
Flammkuche is a kind of German or alsacien pizza- Flammkuche is a kind of German or alsacien pizza- very thin. I got this flammkuche with a topping of nutmeggy bechamel, mushrooms, mozzarella & pesto as a #mealkit from @amelie_restaurants. Even the keenest cooks get sick of their own food! It’s really delicious and quick to prepare. #flammkuchen #pizza #vegetarian #lockdown2021 #lockdownfood #foodsolutions #covid_19 #newnormal #dinnerin10minutes #londonlife
Blood orange, fennel and dill salad with mustard d Blood orange, fennel and dill salad with mustard dressing. Easy peasy winter citrus salad. Best to use a mandolin to shave the fennel. #supperclub #covidmenu #citrus #bloodorange #wintersalad #lockdownlarder #valentinesday❤️ 💛💚🧡
Tarte au bergamote 💛done with puff pastry rathe Tarte au bergamote 💛done with puff pastry rather than shortcrust because that’s what I had ready made and hurty ankle meant I didn’t have wherewithal to make own pastry. I used zest and juice of a bergamot and zest and juice of 2 lemons 🍋. This bergamot I actually grew! #bergamot #citrus #tarte #tarteaucitron #supperclub #winterdesserts #sour #sharp #sweet #lockdownfood #covidcookery 💛💛💛
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