Tired of being nice, polite, dutiful and sensitive to others. It’s only making me unhappy. New books out give the following advice:
Gryzb and Chandler’s 10-step guide to getting tough
1. Don’t smile
Smiling gives someone permission to think you don’t really mean what you say as you have this big grin on your face. Women in particular smile too much.(Women are particularly prone to this. Lynda Laplante’s notes to Helen Mirren’s on how to play the lead in Prime Suspect; don’t smile.)
2. Stand your ground
Backing off is wishy-washy. Standing your ground gives weight to your intention. This means both physically and verbally
3. Tell the truth
Let the other person know what you are feeling. Let them know you aren’t comfortable with what they are doing
4. Agree when it’s unexpected
If someone tells you you’re being silly, agree. They have no place to go after that. “You’re a bit touchy.” “You’re right, I am.” It takes the wind out of their sails
5. Don’t point fingers
If you intend to tell someone you don’t like their behaviour, start sentences with how you feel, not what’s wrong with them. Pointing an accusatory finger will only make them more defensive
6. Make up a list of handy excuses
This will get you out of situations long enough to see clearly what’s going on before you put yourself back in the fray
7. Change your mind whenever you want to
You have the right to change your mind, whether it’s two minutes, two hours or two months after the fact. There will be times when you don’t want to honour your commitments(Now this one I have a real problem with…brought up to believe a promise is a promise).
8. Keep things short and sweet
Gabbling won’t help, it just gives the other person rope to hang you with
9. Don’t engage
Never apologise or explain. Don’t supply fuel for someone to use against you
10. Get your ‘no’ in quickly
Set your marker right at the beginning of the discussion. You can always change your mind later, but if you say it fast, it’s out on the table and can’t be ignored
Well to illustrate this advice here’s a picture of a woman who probably had no problem with the above. A libran, with moon conjunct neptune (as many great politicians do). Remember a libran is just a polite scorpio.
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