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15

March 24, 2009 10 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized


Some girls at my daughter’s school are having sex before they have even started their periods.

Another girl, just 15, has been sleeping with a 28 year old illegal immigrant. When she was 13 years old, she had an abortion. Her mother, middle-class, well-off, is fine with it.
One girl never uses contraception, relying purely on the ‘morning after’ pill.

“These girls are trying to be adult. But they don’t act like adults”, I say to my teen.

She tells me that many pupils go through the school day high on coke or ‘e’.
I’m restrictive. Over-protective. I ask to speak to the parents if she is going to a party. I want to know where she is, where she is going. Some of her friends can go out whenever they want. 

“This girl C. can just go out at midnight. Her parents say yeah, no problem, do you want cab fare? Everybody lies to their parents”, my teen says. 

But she came home tonight complaining that she was being hassled by men on the street. 

“Twice this evening, on the way home from school. I told one to fuck off”

I look at her. “I know, I know”, says my daughter. 

When I was her age, I got pestered all the time by men in the street. Once I told one who wouldn’t leave me alone “hey baby baby baby” to fuck off and he punched me in the face. Hard. 

“Careful”, I say. “These men are not nice. One minute they want you they next they are hitting you. Nice men don’t pester young girls in the street.”

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Comments

  1. Mister Trippy

    March 24, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    Being hassled like that can be hard to deal with, but some of the classic tactics like starting to pick your nose can be useful… as of course is a rape alarm. But you gotta let kids out to learn for themselves…. And as for coke it just turns people into airheads, it is really boring….

    Reply
  2. Marla

    March 25, 2009 at 12:40 am

    I'm only twenty and very thankful that my parents were strict when I was in high school. Your protection will keep her safe. Even smart kids make mistakes. She will appreciate it late.

    Reply
  3. Canal Explorer

    March 25, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    I hated being hassled in the steet when I was that age. It made me feel completely sick. I don't get hassled anymore now that I'm 'over 25'. I used to think men were just creepy with everybody, but I now see that only disgusting weird men lech in the street, and they only do it to young girls because they know that it will bother them and they will not know how to handle it. It's a power thing. They get a kick out of the power of being able to make you feel bad.

    Your story about being punched is horrible. However, I do think telling guys like that to fuck off is important, as it shows them that you will stick up for yourself and not be a victim. But it's important not to sound too bothered by them as that only encourages them. Perhaps a very firm (but slightly bored) "leave me alone (sigh). I don't even know who you are!". This also makes it clear to passers by that it's not somebody you know (a reason people are often reluctant to intervene when a man is abusive to a woman in public).

    I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore. Maybe we should go on some women's self defence classes together?

    Reply
  4. Ben Emlyn-Jones

    March 25, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    So far such horrible men have left my daughter alone. I'd make them very sorry if they didn't! I knew this French bloke at my school who used to wolf-whistle at every girl he fancied as he walked past. One of them once shouted "Fuck off!" at him, but he just then made a vulgar remark. Then he kept on making even more vulgar remarks to other women. I suppose it depends on the person they are, or you are. Deep down I think he disliked girls; he had no friends who were girls, but many girfriends, but it's easier to have a girlfriend than a girl who's just a friend. You can shag somebody you don't like or respect, but can only be mates with somebody you DO! It's worthwhile learning self-defence, and taking precautions, like staying in well-lit areas with lots of people. But I like to try and strike a balance with that and allowing my girl to enjoy herself. I don't want to terrify her into staying indoors the whole time. Nor can I wrap her in cotton wool any more. (BTW: Today is my daughter's 14th birthday)

    Reply
  5. Niamh

    August 5, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Wow! That's quite shocking. Whatever her mother thinks, that's an ordeal for a young girls body.

    You're absolutely right about those men. My mother was strict with me in these matters and I am very grateful to her for that now. Your daughter will be too.

    Reply
  6. MsMarmitelover

    August 5, 2009 at 11:21 am

    The mother wants to be friends with her daughter. She was rebellious herself and didn't get on with her own mother.
    Personally I think, although it's nice to be friends with your kids, you only have one mother. Part of parenting is being disliked.

    Reply
  7. green drawers

    August 5, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    when I was at Manchester Poly (I'm old) we had a lesson in how to stay safe – male & female. We were advised to walk in the road if you felt you were being followed. If you were being followed the advise was to sing – it is very hard to vocalise when you are surprised & you're less likely to be hassled if you seem loonier than everyone else. It has definately worked for me, especially in NYC in the 80's.
    The other point I remember was the advise given to the guys; if they found themselves walking behind a solitary female they were told to cross over the road, tell the woman to let them get ahead so that the man would always be in the eyeline of the woman. Some of the blokes I knew took this on board and said it definately helped them feel less like potential monsters!

    Sad that kids want to rush into being adults at a time when adults are trying to elongate their own adolescence. The truth is that today's bodies are much more mature than those that went before (thanks to all that oestrogen in the water). Sadly, the emotional brain hasn't quite caught up yet. Sex has become a recreation sport for many under 16's in the absence of anything else to do. We must help our kids learn to occupy themselves in other ways.

    Reply
  8. green drawers

    August 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    PS – I don;t get this modern thing of mothers wanting their children to be their best friends. Haven't they got anyone their own age to play with??

    Reply
  9. MsMarmitelover

    August 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    Completely agree about acting loony to keep yourself safe. It really works!

    Reply
  10. Canal Explorer

    August 21, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    Haha, I too have never been hassled when singing in the street… And it DOES make it easier to shout out if you're surprised by somebody.

    Reply

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MsMarmiteLover aka Kerstin Rodgers.

Chef, photographer, author, journalist, blogger. Pioneer of the supperclub movement.

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Kerstin Rodgers/MsMarmiteLover
Got the sewing machine out last night and hemmed t Got the sewing machine out last night and hemmed the top of these toile de jouey curtains in my summer house shed. The days are lengthening a little which brightens up my mood. Self care= trying to get up and washed. Trying to leave the house once a day. Keeping my hands busy. Finding small ways to be creative. #coronaloner #sewingmachine #curtains #shedsofinstagram #sheshed #springiscoming #supperclub #stayingsane #selfcare #lockdown3
Pasta aglio olio. I’m turning into a vampire. I Pasta aglio olio. I’m turning into a vampire. I get up later and later every day. I’m living in a twilight world- dim skies, getting nothing done. Next week it’s my birthday and every year I’m at my lowest ebb just before my birthday. Lockdown on your own is tough. My motivation, my mojo has disappeared. #lockdown3 #coronaloner #pastadinner #nofilter #january2021 #januarychallenge #selfemployedwomen #single #aquarius #0degrees
On the heath on Sunday. Must. Walk. More. #coronal On the heath on Sunday. Must. Walk. More. #coronaloner
Tonight’s lockdown dinner with my bubble. Proper Tonight’s lockdown dinner with my bubble. Proper pesto alla genovese with trofie, small boiled salad potatoes, steamed green beans (good tip: steam the beans in a colander plopped on top of the potatoes or pasta), good quality pesto sauce ( mine from local microbakery @seansloaf ), good olive oil (@pomoragoodfood), torn fresh basil, a few pine nuts. This turns this student dish into a balanced meal of carbs, veg and a little protein.  It’s cold outside, I’ve lit the fire. Covid rages in Kilburn high road in north west london. The rate is 1 in 30 london wide but I feel it’s higher in this poor inner london area. We have a high BAME population who are particularly vulnerable. It’s a little bit anarchic on my high street: cars perched on kerbs waiting for hijabi women, braving pound shops and Aldi . We are all covered up now. In winter masks keep your face warm, but you have a choice between safety and being able to see. I’ve not managed to prevent the inevitable steaming up of my glasses when wearing a mask. Nothing works.  #january #londonwinter #pestopasta #pestoallagenovese #vegetarian #pasta #trofie #supperclub #covid_19 #lockdownlife #lockdown3 #bubblegang
Galette des Rois, made yesterday in 12th night. Mi Galette des Rois, made yesterday in 12th night. Minus Crown and king as I cannot find either. This one is made with Tonka bean. Plus homemade puff pastry (well worth the effort). According to ike delorenzo at The Atlantic:  The tonka bean, a flat, wrinkled legume from South America with an outsize flavor that the US government has declared illegal. Nonetheless, it proliferates on elite American menus. The tiniest shavings erupt in a Broceliande of transporting, mystical aromas.
The taste of the tonka bean is linked strongly to its scent. "Scents," I should say, as the tonka bean has many at once. I register the aromas of vanilla, cherry, almond, and something spicy—a bit like cinnamon. When served cold—say, in tonka bean ice cream—the taste is like a vanilla caramel with dark honey. When warm, perhaps shaved over scallops, it moves toward spiced vanilla. Additionally, the aroma of the tonka bean shavings (it's almost always shaved) is so affecting that it seems like an actual taste in the way that opium, which has no taste in the traditional sense, "tastes" like its rich, flowery smoke.  Here is the recipe: 

Tonka bean galette des rois

Serves 8
Ingredients
* 140 g caster sugar
* 125 g salted butter, softened
* 100 g ground almonds
* 2 eggs, medium
* 1 tonka bean, grated
* 2 packs ready made butter puff pastry on a roll
* 1 yolk for brushing the pastry
Instructions
* Preheat your oven to 200c.

* Blend the butter with the sugar then add the almonds. Make sure it’s well mixed. Add in the 2 eggs one at a time, then add the tonka bean.

* If using a block: divide the puff pastry into two and roll out to 5mm thick. 
* Make two circles about 15 cm’s each in diameter. Lay one circle on a silicone mat/parchment paper on a baking tray and fill with the almond cream leaving a 3 cm border around the edge. 
* Paint the border with the egg yolk. Then lay the other circle on top, sealing the edges with a fork. 
* You could then carve designs into the top. Make a little slit in the middle to let steam escape then brush the top with the egg yolk
Mapo tofu is probably my favourite Sichuan dish. T Mapo tofu is probably my favourite Sichuan dish. This is a vegan version. ***

Ingredients:
- 400 g box of soft tofu not silken
- 5 soaked dried shiitake mushrooms, diced, keep water
- 1 red bell pepper, finely sliced
- 400 g fresh shiitake mushroom, sliced thinly
- 400 ml vegetable stock
- 1 thumb fresh ginger, minced
- 3 cloves garlic, crushed
- 4 tbsps groundnut or vegetable oil
- 3 tbsp fermented bean paste
- 1 or 2 small red chillies, minced or a spoonful of Chinese chilli paste
- 1 tsp heaped sichuan peppercorns, finely ground
- 2 tbsps soy or tamari sauce
- 2 tbsp cornflour in 3 tbsps water, mixed into a slurry
- 4 spring onions, finely sliced
- large pinch fresh coriander leaves

Prepare the tofu by cutting it into one inch cubes and soaking it in hot but not boiling salted water. Drain after 15 minutes.
Soak the dried shiitake mushrooms, covering them in boiling water. Leave until soft, then dice the mushrooms. Retain the mushroom soaking water and add to the vegetable stock water.
Prepare the other ingredients so they are ready to stir-fry: red bell pepper, fresh mushrooms, ginger, garlic.

Using a wok or deep frying pan, add the oil and heat to frying temperature. Add the bell peppers,fry for a couple of minutes, then add fermented bean paste, chilli paste or chillies, ginger, garlic, soy sauce, sichuan pepper.
Add the mushroom/vegetable broth and simmer on high for a couple of minutes.
Carefully add the cubes of tofu, taking care not to break them too much.
Add the cornflour slurry, stirring for a couple of minutes.
Serve with rice or noodles, garnishing with spring onions or chives and or coriander leaves.  #veganuary #mapotofu #sichuanfood #tofu  #shitakemushrooms #supperclub #londonchef #msmarmitelover #ham&highcolumn #eatplants #lockdown3 #selfisolation #coronaloner #cooking #recipe #cookingfromscratch
Macaroni cheese with odds and sods from the Christ Macaroni cheese with odds and sods from the Christmas leftover cheese board. I’ve used @paxtonscheese truffled brillat-savarin and a mystery hard cheese that’s lost its label. Plus cream and topped it with samphire fried in butter. Haven’t bothered with making a roux- this is the lockdown lazy version.  #lockdownlazy #lockdown3 #supperclub #macandcheese #macaronicheese #truffledcheese #leftovers #leftovercheeseboard #londonlockdown #breakfast #coronaloner
Another thing the Japanese are brilliant at is san Another thing the Japanese are brilliant at is sandwiches. They use the softest, whitest, fluffiest bread. Their mayonnaise kewpie is gorgeous I don’t know why. Perhaps someone here can explain? Here I’ve used sourdough as it’s what I have; kosho which is a Yuzu citrus and green chilli condiment and the aforesaid kewpie Mayo to make an egg 🥚 sandwich.  I’m not a big egg fan but I suddenly had the urge. Also I’ve noticed when I eat eggs it satiates my hunger for hours. All that protein.  #sandwich #sandwiches #japanesesandwich #kewpiemayo #kosho #eggsandwich #sourdough #supperclub #cookingforone #solo #londonlife #lockdownlondon #recipe #snack #sundaysnack #sando
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Writing about tofu which I think has an unfair rep Writing about tofu which I think has an unfair reputation in this country. It’s so flexible and is a brilliant flavour sponge. Here I’m preparing my soft tofu for a Japanese dish: agedashi tofu. I first pressed it in a clean tea towel with a weight on top to firm it up a bit but not too much. Then I dusted it with cornflour and I will deep fry it in oil. Then I will serve it in a broth of dashi/mirin and tamari sauce, sprinkled with finely chopped spring onions and togarashi pepper from Japan. I would usually add some finely mandolined daikon radish but couldn’t find any. It’s a subtle dish of texture: soft yet crispy. After Christmas I’m desperate for light zingy fresh flavoured food. #supperclub #tofu #vegan #vegetarian #agedashitofu #newyearsday #cookingagain #lunch #asian #japanesefood
Happy new year from my bubble to yours! Keep holdi Happy new year from my bubble to yours! Keep holding on...
#happynewyear #happynewyear2021 #supperclub #hootenanny
Some of my Christmas food 🥘 lots of veg includi Some of my Christmas food 🥘 lots of veg including mashed swede with cheese and butter. I put pomegranate seeds with my sprouts, and cooked my carrots in marmalade ( worked v well), the mushroom wreath fell apart as I was transferring it to a tray 😤, roast potatoes and parsnips, then a cheese spread with fruit nuts, quince cheese (homemade), Chocs @lindtuk 😍 @guylian_uk @disaronno_official @baileysofficial @taylorsportwine and Brazil nuts. Plus a pavlova wreath ready to be topped with whipped cream and persimmons. 
#christmasdinner #vegetarianchristmas #vegetarianchristmasdinner #supperclub #londonchristmas #liqueurs #christmasspread #grazing #cheeseboard #port #pavlova
Christmas has started! Home-cured smoked beetroot Christmas has started!  Home-cured smoked beetroot and aquavit salmon with homemade blinis, creme fraiche, dill, Prosecco.  The fire is lit 🔥, the tree is up, 🎄the presents 🎁 are wrapped, we have a #brexit deal- a Christmas miracle. Peace and harmony. #christmas #christmasinengland #homemade #christmaseve #blinis #smokedsalmon #prosecco🍾 #londonchristmas
Done some doorscaping, the latest trend in Christm Done some doorscaping, the latest trend in Christmas decorating. It might also cheer up passersby. #christmas #christmasdecor #doorscaping #doorsofinstagram #londonchristmas #doorwreath #doordecor #doorsoftheworld #doordecoration #exteriors #london #supperclub #covidchristmas
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More #fbmarketplacefinds I find meeting the seller More #fbmarketplacefinds I find meeting the sellers interesting. It’s often about moving on whether through death, a change of circumstances, moving country, loss of a job. Today I visited a gorgeously renovated Edwardian house where the owners, an antique dealer & a master decorator had died with 18 months of each other of cancer.  The sister was there emptying the house, an incredibly painful experience. The husband who died was an expert in putting up lincrusta wallpaper which I’ve pictured here. All that craftsmanship and knowledge lost now.  The piece I got on Sunday, the teal chinoiserie cabinet, was from a Spanish guy returning to Spain. He’d lost his job as a hotel manager, the hotel, a big one, has now closed. The marble coffee table and arepas grill was from a Spanish couple who’d had a restaurant here for 40 years. They are now returning to Spain. Other slides: green Edwardian fireplace tiles, William Morris wallpaper, 2 small scalloped coffee tables, a knife and fork cutlery hook set.  A fireplace for my bedroom if I can find someone to put it in. #lockdownstories #covidstories #movingon #decor #interiors #bargains #secondhandstyle #edwardianstyle #williammorris #tiles #wallpaper #scallopededge #teal #chinoiserie #whitemarble #vintage #kitchenalia #supperclubrefurb #london #lincrustawallpaper
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