• Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Snapchat
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

MsMarmiteLover

  • Food
    • Recipes
    • Vegetarian
    • Vegan
  • Travel
    • France
    • Italy
    • Spain
    • UK
  • Wine
  • Gardens
  • Supperclubs/Events
  • About
    • Published Articles
    • Books
  • Shop
    • Cart

tongue piercing

May 27, 2009 19 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized

I haven’t been spending much time with my daughter recently. I’ve been busy. One night, when I was going out, I’d been out several nights that week already, she said to me:

“I feel like I live alone”.

Last night, I catered a gig. It was work. Badly paid. But work. I got home at midnight and, as usual, went into my daughter’s bedroom. I saw her sleeping form, the soft pale skin, her little head of tumbled blonde hair, the slender hands …I kissed her, breathing in her still child-like smell. I love her I thought. This is all that counts. I must spend more time with her. And more importantly, be present when I’m with her. Because even when I’m home, I’m not. My mind is elsewhere or I’m on the computer. Or I’m worrying. Or thinking. Or planning.
She asks me questions nowadays, interesting questions…

“Explain proportional representation.”

We go through it. At first sight it looks like a good idea.

“Der” she announces, in her teenage way “of course it’s better. Der. Why don’t we just do it?”

And then I explain further. That with PR you also get the BNP…and the Greens and lots of little parties. They then have to form coalitions to be able to wield any power. So you end up with a big messy compromising party anyway.
Then, switching subjects rapidly she asks:

“Can I have my tongue pierced?”

I look at her. I feel stupidly anxious. I don’t want her to have her tongue pierced. I want her to have brown long hair again, untouched by hair dye. I want to see her in her ballet outfit again. I want her to curl up in my arms at night. I want her to think I am the bestest most important fantastic loveable human being in the world again. Like she used to. I want to be called ‘mummy’ rather than ‘muuuuum’ or when she’s annoyed, ‘mother’. 

I say lightly, a little cruelly: “If you let your hair go back to it’s natural colour, you can have your tongue pierced.”

It was a joke. I then attempt a weak excuse like:

“Isn’t it dangerous? Can’t you get an infection?”

And even more weakly, grasping at straws…

“What if you get in a fight? They could, like, rip your tongue out”.

She laughs:

“You said that about my pierced ears mum. And I’ve never been in a fight”.

This morning she was leaving for school.

“Right Saturday afternoon my mate and I are dying my hair brown.”

I’m still only half awake.

“Is it a good idea to keep dying it?” I ask gently “it will end up frizzy”.

“Well I’m doing what you said.”

I look non-plussed.

“I’m dying my hair brown so I can have my tongue pierced”.

I gasp. “What? That was a joke”.

Her expression changes. She mutters something. It sounds like ‘bitch’. 

“What did you say?”

I’m thinking I’ve got to put a stop to this. The disrespectful way she talks to me. 

She explodes:

“You are TOTALLY evil. Oh my god you are a LIAR. You said I could have my tongue pierced. LIAR”

“It was a joke. You knew it was a joke!” 

She slams out of the front door, cursing, upset. She’s got GSCE tests today. I’m worried. I don’t want her to be upset. I’m also thinking, why do I want to control her appearance? You are only young once. Let her experiment. 

Recent posts

midsummer supper club June 17th 2023 Msmarmitelover

My next supper club: midsummer June 17th

May 28, 2023

I organised a street party for the Coronation

May 10, 2023

The Seafood Shack in Ullapool, Scotland.

May 4, 2023

Previous Post: « Marmite Menu
Next Post: The Guardian canteen »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Fat Les

    May 27, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Gulp…

    Reply
  2. Douglas Blyde

    May 27, 2009 at 8:48 am

    What an excellent piece of writing which reads fluidly and compulsively, like a play. You've perfectly captured your daughter's transitory state between vulnerable child and intelligent, miscreant teenager…

    Reply
  3. vegeyum

    May 27, 2009 at 9:02 am

    I know exactly how it is! I went through it too with my daughter when she got her face pierced and dyed her hair blue and …. I bit my tongue and thought if this is all she experiments with, all is well.

    She is now a stay at home mum with two kids living in London with a Lawyer partner. Thank god I bit my tongue.

    Reply
  4. Ben Emlyn-Jones

    May 27, 2009 at 9:27 am

    My own daughter's 14 and she's a real tearaway too. She calls me names, she shouts at me, she uses obscenities that makes me wonder where she learned them! She actually violently attacked me a few weeks ago and my housemate had to call the police.

    For the first 4 years of her life, virtually from the day she was born, she was utterly devoted to me. Whenever I walked into the house her face lit up and she ran into my arms yelling "Daddy!" She insisted on always sitting on my lap and wouldn't go to sleep unless I was cuddling her. I have some very precious memories of that time and I understand why you miss it, ML.

    Reply
  5. Ben Emlyn-Jones

    May 27, 2009 at 9:37 am

    I can really sympathize with Kevin's mum and dad here!:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY

    Reply
  6. Captain

    May 27, 2009 at 11:09 am

    Speaking as a former teenager who dyed her hair and pierced her tongue, I have to say I don't understand why you want to stop it. These things are a natural type of self expression and rarely lead to any long-term damage (absolutely zero in my case – I'm now 31). I still have my tongue pierced and still dye my hair (though not so crazy colours). The only risk is from going to an unhygienic piercer… she really needs to go to someone who uses gloves, takes their time and sterilises their needles, etc.

    Reply
  7. MsMarmitelover

    May 27, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Oh yes Captain. I'm a former teenager too…who dyed my hair an extreme colour every week and did my own ear piercing with a needle, ice cube and cork!
    It's weird isn't it?
    I suppose I just want my baby back.
    But I am enjoying the teen stage too. It's very interesting.

    Reply
  8. MouseDemon

    May 27, 2009 at 11:23 am

    First post here, I hope you don't mind me adding my 2 penniesworth. I feel for you, my kids aren't teenogres yet, but my time will come.
    However, I used to work with teens and once was asked my opinion of piercing. So I was honest with them. Brutally so. I don't mind them, however, all you have to do is Google "piercings gone wrong" to see why they have to be considered really seriously.
    Perhaps a suggestion when you have both calmed down (your shock, her anger) point out that it probably isn't' a good idea when she is in the middle of exams. (How can she concentrate with all that pain in her mouth, as it WILL HURT!) Explain that you didn't really think she was that serious about it, which is why you gave your non-serious response?

    Obviously, she and you know that in a couple of years this will be a non issue, as she can do what she wants, but until then , even if she thinks you are a bitch, you have a say in it.

    I hope it sorts itself out.

    Reply
  9. MsMarmitelover

    May 27, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Welcome Mousedemon,
    teenogres…like that!
    Good suggestions.
    Les: gulp because you might go through that soon?
    Douglas: thank you my friend.
    vegeyum: I'm sure I'm making a fuss about nothing.
    Ben: yeah it's the name calling that's hardest.

    Reply
  10. Anonymous

    May 28, 2009 at 10:40 am

    Do not worry so much about a tongue piercing.

    Worry, if you detest them as much as I do, about tatoos.

    I joked with my son that Yes, he could have a tatoo as long as I chose the tatoo. He duly went off and had a huge one on his back at 15, then many more. Now one arm is completely covered from shoulder to wrist. Unfortunately it's forever.

    Reply
  11. Lizzie

    May 28, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    I snuck off at 16 and got myself pierced – I figured it was my body, after all. I don't see why you should need to stop it, although I think legally you need to be 16. It's the after care you should worry about – tongue piercings can get infected.

    Of course, I also snuck off and got a tattoo… Pops hit the roof.

    Reply
  12. MsMarmitelover

    May 28, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    Tattoos…god.
    Nothing worse than a faded blue tattoo on an over 40 body. Especially on women.
    I expect that'll be next.

    Reply
  13. Mister Trippy

    May 31, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    I'm with the people who say let her go her own way, she's gonna keep growing and you can't stop her doing this when she's bigger. It might be hard but because you really love her let her go, she'll come back….

    Reply
  14. mymaterialvoid

    June 2, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    awww…I remember those days, I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced, but the woman in the shop said she refused to do facial piercings on girls with purdy faces unless they were over the age of 18 – I was 14 at the time!!!

    if it makes you feel any better, I believe that a reputable piercer will only pierce (with a needle, like for a tongue) when you are over the age of 16 (?), when I got my nose done at the grand old age of 21, I was asked for ID – i loved my piercings when I was younger, I even snuck off and got 2 tattoos – at the ages of 14 and 16, which I am now paying for, next week I will be in for a cover up of the tat I got when I was 16 🙁

    ahh to be young again, when I was 16 forever and future didn't seem to be a concept that I was familiar with – LOL!

    Reply
  15. Dad

    June 5, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Terrific post, I love it!!

    Have been reading your pages for a while, coming via Bellaphon's site and, as much as I enjoy reading about/cooking/eating food, this non-food post about your teen was poignant AND funny!

    My son is nearly 7 and my daughter has just turned 4 and I just KNOW that I too will be having the same conversations/arguments!

    But it did make me realise that I too need to be "home" when I'm "home".

    Thanks for that.

    Reply
  16. Dad

    June 5, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Oops, forgot to mention, 'no relation' as not everyone likes seeing "Dad" leaving a comment!!

    Soz!

    Reply
  17. Mainframeguy

    June 6, 2009 at 6:00 am

    Why no blog post about your appearance on Radio Two with Chris Evans last night?!

    I heard it and thought it would be instantly bloggable! Are all the people who come to dine with you strangers? A bit far away for me – but your menu was interesting!

    Reply
  18. fingersandtoes

    June 7, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    I just read this – don't know why I missed it when you posted it.

    I was a model teen but I do remember that all of the rules my parents had were in order to keep me safe. On the other hand I knew my mother (as a teacher in low-decile schools where body piercings = naughty kids) had very very strong feelings about piercings, so even if I had wanted one I wouldn't have done it. She called me absolutely hysterical when my little brother got his eyebrow pierced – all "what have I done to deserve this" – she's usually really, really together but she totally lost it that time. 8 years later and the idiot still hasn't taken it out – and now he's a grown up with his own house, a partner and a proper job! (he's far more grown up than me)

    So, you know what, he turned out ok. I guess the moral of the story is let your teen do what she wants as long as it's safe and non-permanent. But on the other hand I know that every time my mum sees that piercing it hurts her. Maybe she's wrong to feel that way, but I can't help being angry at my brother for it. (and omg, you should have been there the day she found out he voted Tory! He may be written out of the will yet!)

    Reply
  19. green drawers

    June 8, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    You always hit out at the ones whose love is unconditional – no doubt you did the same once upon a childhood, (I'm making a lot of assumptions here – sorry!). A mother is something that Mother Nature and I chose together not to be – instead I chose to be Mum No. 2 to many – step-children (now in their 30's – gulp), foster kids, friends' kids etc, and a few others along the way. The only thing advice I feel able to give is to love unconditionally, to guide unrestrictively and always, always be consistent – the hardest of all in my opinion.

    My mother told me that the hardest thing of all is letting go, but that it is also the most rewarding aspect – watching what you created in so many ways making their way in the big bad world (hopefully better for having them in it).

    Good luck.
    Green Drawers

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Primary Sidebar

MsMarmiteLover aka Kerstin Rodgers.

Chef, photographer, author, journalist, blogger. Pioneer of the supperclub movement.

This is my food and travel blog, with recipes, reviews and travel stories. I also stray into politics, feminism, gardening.

Subscribe to my mailing list

msmarmitelover

Kerstin Rodgers/MsMarmiteLover
Tina sweating through a gig at Brixton academy cir Tina sweating through a gig at Brixton academy circa 1987 pic: kerstin Rodgers #rip #tinaturner #rockphotographer #kerstinrodgers #teenagephotographer
Attended an incredible talk with @frenchpete_1 on Attended an incredible talk with @frenchpete_1 on war photography in the Ukraine . Go to the exhibition @thebppa @thebargehouse in SE1 last few days 
Had to stop filming cos I was told off. The photographers would be less forthcoming if they were filmed I was told. 
Anyway @frenchpete_1 should be followed by a camera crew cos he’s a star.
For yesterdays lunch I made a blue cheese puff pas For yesterdays lunch I made a blue cheese puff pastry quiche and a little one with less blue cheese & no salt for my 7 month old granddaughter. She absolutely loved it. I’m enjoying seeing her experience and explore new foods with baby led weaning. Avocado, strawberries, kiwi & buttered crumpets are a hit. Pasta less so. Who is this child? Are we even related? #babyledweaning #quiche #homemadepuffpastry
Nice to be featured as The Great Read in The natio Nice to be featured as The Great Read in The national newspaper again. These are the stories I love to do: I go off on an adventure, take my time, interview people (especially women), photograph them in their environment and create recipes on site. This story cost me a lot more than I made as I had an accident and lost my excess. My own damn fault though! Loved loved loved having a campervan. Thanks for lending me it @camperdays.international and sorry about the hole in the side.  https://www.thenational.scot/news/23505593.foraging-seaweed-western-isles/
My terrace on a sunny May morning. The builders @l My terrace on a sunny May morning. The builders @lk.general.building left yesterday. They’ve been working since January. I had the awning installed, the encaustic Minton tiles removed and put back with green grout. The terrace was causing damp so this had to be done. My calamondin plant is looking lovely. The benches which I repaired with hard wood & I repainted using a mix of 2 colours. The marble table I bought in Suffolk at a car boot. Everything is still dusty & I’m waiting for the window cleaner to arrive.
Last but very heartfelt thankyou to @cideriswine f Last but very heartfelt thankyou to @cideriswine for their contribution of these beautiful dry ciders for the coronation street lunch. Gorgeously illustrated labels. #stcuthbertsrd #kilburn #london #cider #artisanaldrinks
When it comes to vodka I much prefer potato vodka. When it comes to vodka I much prefer potato vodka. It’s smoother. Artisanal distillery @devoncovevodka contributed some bottles to my coronation lunch which gave everyone a feeling of being at a classy party. Thanks so much. And also @rawfoodanddrink for arranging. If you want to read my blog post about how and why I organised this event, copy and paste this link: https://t.co/GWNNW2XKba #coronationstreetparty #biglunch #community #kilburn #london #forthepeoplebythepeople
I’ve been a fan of @luscombedrinks for years now I’ve been a fan of @luscombedrinks for years now. They sent a selection: elderflower bubbly, st. Clements orange 🍊 Sicilian lemonade, @belvoirfarm_uk lemonade, which were all delicious and just the tickets for the fortuitous mini-heatwave that occurred on the Sunday coronation lunch. #thankyou #community #coronation #streetparty #biglunch
Our street party. Double page spread in The Sun! T Our street party. Double page spread in The Sun! Tiny bit in the guardian. Decent pic in the Mail and The Star credit @asproider #coronationlunch #kilburn #stcuthbertsrd #kingscroftrd #fordwychrd #templarhouse
My coronation quiche with Broad beans, tarragon, s My coronation quiche with Broad beans, tarragon, spinach, cheddar. I used crème fraiche and blind baked puff pastry shells. I was up at 11 last night making these for todays street party, which featured in the mail, telegraph, mirror, metro courtesy of photographer Gavin Rodgers @asproider
Seaweed foraging at Spring tides in the Outer Hebr Seaweed foraging at Spring tides in the Outer Hebrides with @outerhebrideanforager Fi bird. She’s cutting sea spaghetti. I drove my campervan @camperdays.international from london to the Hebrides- using my gas stove to cook foraged and local ingredients. A real food safari. With the sea spaghetti I made a sea spag vongole with giant parlourdes picked up from the sand at the same time. Great fun, beautiful weather and, the day of the full moon, a wonderfully low tide. This was on south Uist.
More flavours, the flavour thesaurus is a plant-ba More flavours, the flavour thesaurus is a plant-based version of the original. Beautifully constructed, designed and written by @nikisegnit it’s vegetarian rather than vegan but recommended for both. She widens the sensory vocabulary around plant flavours in this book- encouraging new delicious sounding combinations. Now she includes new categories such as flower & meadow, caramel roasted, zesty roost- just the words make me salivate. #foodbooks #bookstagram #newbooks
Yesterday I attended @marmaladeawards @dalemainman Yesterday I attended @marmaladeawards @dalemainmansion I found out so much about marmalade. I’m going to make it this winter. I found out the worlds best maker is Japanese, in fact I was most impressed by the Japanese marmalades in general. Everyone wore orange. I must have tasted 50 marmalades. I met Paddington’s sister, karen jankel who is michael bond’s daughter, born in the same year as Paddington. She gave a charming talk on Paddington, mentioning how the queen insisted on having real marmalade sandwiches in her @launerlondonofficial handbag during the shoot. The house itself is Tudor and Georgian. I stayed in my campervan from @camperdays.international in the car park, cosy in the rain. Another freewheeling adventure. #yorkshire #marmalade #travel #food #ontheroad #campervan
I had a piece in @thetimes on Sunday about being a I had a piece in @thetimes on Sunday about being a vegetarian rather than a vegan. How I still need butter. And how restaurants & plane meals are now vegan rather than vegetarian. But, there are still more the double amount of vegetarians as vegans in the UK. I’ve written a vegan cookbook V is for vegan (link in bio) and am a big fan of vegan foods. I’ve not eaten meat for over 40 years. This is a sustainable diet, in terms of longevity. Vegans that I knew from the early noughties have reverted to meat eating. #newpuritanism? #vegetarian #vegan #foodwriter
Scrambled croft eggs (bright yellow yolks) with a Scrambled croft eggs (bright yellow yolks) with a seaweed that tastes just like truffle. Just done a little kelp foraging at low tide with @thetempleharris’ Amanda Saurin. Isle of Harris. Turquoise sea, white sand, cloud hovering just above. @camperdays.international @roosterpr
I went to Wembley in north west london to talk to I went to Wembley in north west london to talk to Sophie of @tobia.teff she uses the iron-rich, gluten free teff grain from her homeland Ethiopia. She showed me how to make injera, the Ethiopian flatbread which is fermented. She also talked about the coffee ceremony, 3 cups, which they pair with toasted barley or, currently, popcorn! I’d love to visit Ethiopia and find out more about their ancient food culture, history, 3.5k year old monarchy and religions.
Doing a spring budget recipe cooking demo for @bre Doing a spring budget recipe cooking demo for @brentcouncil Willesden library. I’ve been doing this a few times a year for the last few years. Wouldn’t it be great if they had a kitchen set up permanently. Libraries are community centres and could be used to teach how to cook from scratch.
Mother’s Day flowers from @siennamarla who is ex Mother’s Day flowers from @siennamarla who is experiencing her own first Mother’s Day with Ophelia. I’m still living in chaos & work was slow yesterday due to rain. Only another month…
Last week I did a wild foraging walk with @luciath Last week I did a wild foraging walk with @luciathewildkitchen in Kent @kent_downs_aonb just outside Canterbury. I’m going to help out during her May wild asparagus workshop. This chef lived in France, is a brilliant forager and cook. Her campfire meal of lentils, wild garlic raitha and a dukkah of alexanders, Parmesan was genuinely delicious not worthy like so much foraged food.
I did a bushcraft workshop with @naturalpathwaysbu I did a bushcraft workshop with @naturalpathwaysbushcraft Hannah Nicholls in Kent. An all female group, this felt very empowering and I must get myself one of these fire sticks. @kent_downs_aonb
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Archives

Copyright © 2023 msmarmitelover