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Cussin

November 30, 2009 7 Comments Filed Under: Uncategorized

In the bathroom. My daughter was putting on foundation in the mirror. Her skin is perfect.

“Why do you wear foundation?” I asked. “At your age?”

“Because I’ve got skin like an old woman” she said “everybody teases me about it at school. I’ve got those things…that old men get when they drink …”

“Thread veins?”

“Yeah, that. I’ve got tons of blemishes and I have to cover them up”

I looked at my face in the mirror. I had crinkly bags under my eyes. I pushed at my skin, it doesn’t spring back into place as it would have a few years ago. Even a year ago.
I seemed to have aged enormously since starting The Underground Restaurant. In fact I haven’t properly looked at myself for a while, being so busy. I’ve neglected any ‘beauty routine’.
Next to me was my teen…her perfect heart shaped face…

I sit on the toilet and sigh: “So apart from your weight, your height, the little bump on your eyelid and your old ladies’ skin…what else do people at school criticize about you? It seems, according to them, you are absolutely hideous”

“Look that’s how it is. Everybody cusses everybody else.” my daughter says patiently as if speaking to a retard.

“Do you?”

“Yeah. ‘Course. Probably.”

“You slag off other people’s looks?”

“Well my friends and especially S.”

“Why S?“

S. is particularly beautiful, tall and slim with almond-shaped eyes and great hair. She’s been spotted by model agencies.

“Everybody has a go at S” snorts my teen “because she’s so perfect”.

“Does she get upset?”

“Yes, sometimes she cries”

“So you are all making each other feel bad? I mean you come home and cry too” I state.

My teen shrugs.
Cussing, that is, the art of putting each other down, does seem to be worse than it was in my youth. I wonder if it comes from ‘freestyle rap battles’. It must be hard, though, for teenagers to build up any self-esteem when every imperfection is ruthlessly targeted. Or does it toughen them up?

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Comments

  1. bakelady59

    November 30, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Just how can we get our teens, (mine not so teen any more)to see how beautiful they really are. Mine often catches my eyes looking at her and immediately thinks I'm critiquing her appearence, when really I'm seeing how beautiful she is and want to drink in the vision of loveliness that I carried for 9 months, and bore all those years ago.

    Reply
  2. Erica, Allium, Fairford

    November 30, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Pre-teens are at it too!
    My 10 year old is more worried about what her "friends" think of her than her own happiness!

    Reply
  3. Sarah, Maison Cupcake

    November 30, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    I'm no great looker but I don't really remember it being this bad when I was teenager. Most of stuff aimed at me was about me wearing glasses. Having said that, I do think it's different now and when I notice all the Barbie Bratz rubbish advertised on tv it seems there's a huge market to teach our little girls to aspire to WAGs and porn stars which is very sad.

    Reply
  4. Kitchen Butterfly

    December 6, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    I'll be honest with you, I don't think it toughens them at all. We women tend to grow up with serious self esteem issues…and I figure it starts way back.

    Anyhow, I applaud you…100 times for step-by-step illustrating what's going on.

    Sometimes, I feel so bad for teenagers, knowing that they can't see even a couple of years down the road. What happens to us at that age????

    Reply
  5. theundergroundrestaurant

    December 6, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    Thanks for your comments everyone.
    Yes I agree, women have terrible self -esteem issues. I'm no exception.
    I also wonder if it's because she goes to a mixed school, they seem so ruthless with each other.

    Reply
  6. Dan Sumption

    December 8, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Have you seen the film Mean Girls? I strongly recommend that you watch it with your daughter.

    When my daughter got the DVD I really didn't relish the prospect of watching another Lindsay Lohan teen flick, but I actually really enjoyed the film (it's written by and stars Tina Fey, and features several other Saturday Night Live comedians) – I've watched it with my kids several times since, and enjoy it as much every time.

    Anyway, my point was that it's about exactly this type of behaviour in teenage girls. And unlike most "movies with a moral", it makes its point well and manages to be a fun watch at the same time.

    Apparently the film is based on this non-fiction book, about teenage girls' verbal bullying: http://bit.ly/5wODrV

    Reply
  7. theundergroundrestaurant

    December 8, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    Yes we have, it's spot on that movie…
    Sent you an email about my broken feeds Dan.
    How old is your daughter?

    Reply

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MsMarmiteLover aka Kerstin Rodgers.

Chef, photographer, author, journalist, blogger. Pioneer of the supperclub movement.

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Midsummer supperclub 17th June book tickets here h Midsummer supperclub 17th June book tickets here https://msmarmitelover.com/product/midsummer-supper-club-tickets-june-17th at London’s pioneering supper club. Tickets £50 BYO. Scandinavian inspired summery food. #supperclub #msmarmitelover #midsummer #northwestlondon #londonevents #popups
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Attended an incredible talk with @frenchpete_1 on Attended an incredible talk with @frenchpete_1 on war photography in the Ukraine . Go to the exhibition @thebppa @thebargehouse in SE1 last few days 
Had to stop filming cos I was told off. The photographers would be less forthcoming if they were filmed I was told. 
Anyway @frenchpete_1 should be followed by a camera crew cos he’s a star.
For yesterdays lunch I made a blue cheese puff pas For yesterdays lunch I made a blue cheese puff pastry quiche and a little one with less blue cheese & no salt for my 7 month old granddaughter. She absolutely loved it. I’m enjoying seeing her experience and explore new foods with baby led weaning. Avocado, strawberries, kiwi & buttered crumpets are a hit. Pasta less so. Who is this child? Are we even related? #babyledweaning #quiche #homemadepuffpastry
Nice to be featured as The Great Read in The natio Nice to be featured as The Great Read in The national newspaper again. These are the stories I love to do: I go off on an adventure, take my time, interview people (especially women), photograph them in their environment and create recipes on site. This story cost me a lot more than I made as I had an accident and lost my excess. My own damn fault though! Loved loved loved having a campervan. Thanks for lending me it @camperdays.international and sorry about the hole in the side.  https://www.thenational.scot/news/23505593.foraging-seaweed-western-isles/
My terrace on a sunny May morning. The builders @l My terrace on a sunny May morning. The builders @lk.general.building left yesterday. They’ve been working since January. I had the awning installed, the encaustic Minton tiles removed and put back with green grout. The terrace was causing damp so this had to be done. My calamondin plant is looking lovely. The benches which I repaired with hard wood & I repainted using a mix of 2 colours. The marble table I bought in Suffolk at a car boot. Everything is still dusty & I’m waiting for the window cleaner to arrive.
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When it comes to vodka I much prefer potato vodka. When it comes to vodka I much prefer potato vodka. It’s smoother. Artisanal distillery @devoncovevodka contributed some bottles to my coronation lunch which gave everyone a feeling of being at a classy party. Thanks so much. And also @rawfoodanddrink for arranging. If you want to read my blog post about how and why I organised this event, copy and paste this link: https://t.co/GWNNW2XKba #coronationstreetparty #biglunch #community #kilburn #london #forthepeoplebythepeople
I’ve been a fan of @luscombedrinks for years now I’ve been a fan of @luscombedrinks for years now. They sent a selection: elderflower bubbly, st. Clements orange 🍊 Sicilian lemonade, @belvoirfarm_uk lemonade, which were all delicious and just the tickets for the fortuitous mini-heatwave that occurred on the Sunday coronation lunch. #thankyou #community #coronation #streetparty #biglunch
Our street party. Double page spread in The Sun! T Our street party. Double page spread in The Sun! Tiny bit in the guardian. Decent pic in the Mail and The Star credit @asproider #coronationlunch #kilburn #stcuthbertsrd #kingscroftrd #fordwychrd #templarhouse
My coronation quiche with Broad beans, tarragon, s My coronation quiche with Broad beans, tarragon, spinach, cheddar. I used crème fraiche and blind baked puff pastry shells. I was up at 11 last night making these for todays street party, which featured in the mail, telegraph, mirror, metro courtesy of photographer Gavin Rodgers @asproider
Seaweed foraging at Spring tides in the Outer Hebr Seaweed foraging at Spring tides in the Outer Hebrides with @outerhebrideanforager Fi bird. She’s cutting sea spaghetti. I drove my campervan @camperdays.international from london to the Hebrides- using my gas stove to cook foraged and local ingredients. A real food safari. With the sea spaghetti I made a sea spag vongole with giant parlourdes picked up from the sand at the same time. Great fun, beautiful weather and, the day of the full moon, a wonderfully low tide. This was on south Uist.
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I had a piece in @thetimes on Sunday about being a I had a piece in @thetimes on Sunday about being a vegetarian rather than a vegan. How I still need butter. And how restaurants & plane meals are now vegan rather than vegetarian. But, there are still more the double amount of vegetarians as vegans in the UK. I’ve written a vegan cookbook V is for vegan (link in bio) and am a big fan of vegan foods. I’ve not eaten meat for over 40 years. This is a sustainable diet, in terms of longevity. Vegans that I knew from the early noughties have reverted to meat eating. #newpuritanism? #vegetarian #vegan #foodwriter
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