The teen had a bit of a party while I was away this weekend. It’s the first time I’ve ever left her alone for any amount of time. I gave extra keys to the neighbours and asked them to keep an eye.
“I’m so tired”
“From all the tidying up…” She looks at me regretfully but continues bravely “they were really messy”
“Didn’t your friends help you?”
“No. I had to clear up all the sick.” She brightens “It was cool, we got three bottles of vodka for £15 down the road. They knew we were underage.”
“Then my friend made out with one of the boys in the shed.”
“What exactly does ‘making out’ consist of?”I ask gingerly, imagining phone calls from the parents…my daughter lost her virginity in your shed…
She groans “Well first you have snogging, then making out, then fingering, then blowjob, then full sex, then licking out.”
“So making out is restricted to kissing and tits?” I pry, drawing an imaginary triangle between my mouth and breast area.
“Is this over the bra or under the bra?”
Now she’s looking annoyed “Oh for god’s sake mum… “